So I have another boy story...this guy that I know from home (HJ) IMed me and was talking about all this existential bull and I'm on the phone with TS (whom I'm dating now...whoo! ...well, maybe whoo!) anyhow, I say I have to go and he says he needs to ask me something, but he doesn't want to make things awkward. He proceeds to tell me that if I had been home longer, he would've asked me out. I couldn't get a date before and now I have guys lined up. It's very strange. I also met one of my neighbors (his name is rocky). He's cute. A little too country for me, but he's cute. So, maybe things are starting to look up. :)

so. mb keeps trying to contact me. ts sort of wants to date me. kp wont talk to me. what the hell is going on?!

Well, let's see what has happened since I last wrote. I am now 23, but I feel the same. I made it through an awful conference. It wasn't really awful, but it was definitely hard to sit through. I just don't know about my work. I lost 3 days due to the conference, but I think the derivatization worked yesterday. I'm going to try again tomorrow, just to make sure. On Monday, I will run a column on the ET sample. I'm nervous about doing it, but it will be okay. At least I hope it will be.

In other matters, I told TS that we were going to the Frist when he got back. There were some really beautiful photographs there that I thought he would appreciate. He asked me if it was a date. I wasn't sure how to respond. I'm still not sure how to respond. He's a great guy, but at the same time I'm worried about ruining his friendships. BT said he's alright with it. I don't know about VG, but from the smirk he gave me, I'm pretty sure TS already talked to him about it. I'm really worried about hurting him. He's such a great guy, but I'm not even sure I'm attracted to him. I'm trying to repair my friendship with KP. Even to me these sound like excuses. Maybe I'm just afraid. He'll take good care of me. I'm just scared.

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Now playing: Cranberries - Still Can't...
via FoxyTunes

yesterday did not go as i had hoped it would. ts and bt made a nice dinner, but mc bailed on me. not once, but twice. i was tired and cranky and ts forgot to call me. i feel bad now though because ts told me that he was sorry the dinner was a disappointment. :(

Today is the day after my birthday. Yesterday was good. :) MC made me a cake that I shared with pretty much everyone (that made me feel good), then I went out with MC, BT and TS. It was fun. I had way too much sugar, but that's okay. I ended up falling asleep on TS couch.

BT and TS bought me shoes. They have little blue sharks on them. This was what they were buying when they insulted me. I really like them (and they actually fit!)

TS is making dinner tonight. I'm looking forward to it. I don't know how I feel. I want someone, but I know that it's not good for me to have someone right now. It's not only not good for me, but it's also not good for them. He doesn't need someone like me either. He's still hurting. I didn't realize how badly she hurt him until he gave me his soundtrack. I doubt she has any idea who she lost.

It's days like today that get me down. But it's still going to be a good one. :)

So, the past couple of days have been intense. The good thing is that my bday is on Friday and though I'm not completely looking forward to it, at least it's something to look forward to. TS is making me my favorite meal (he's a really good cook) and maybe we'll go to the baseball game.

I heard from MB today. I haven't heard from him in a long time. I wonder what he wants. Is it bad that I immediately think that he wants something? When I first met him, my first thought was that I was going to marry him. I don't know what that says about me.

I told KP that I wasn't ready to talk to him yet. That's partially true. I just can't handle thinking about him being with her. It's too hard. I really don't have any desire to try and keep this friendship going.

I myself am an emotional wreck when it comes to this stuff. I never told my mom any of this stuff and though I no longer really believe in an afterlife, sometimes I wonder if she tsk tsks at all my mistakes and failures. I know better than what I do. I miss her.